Did you draw everything in this project ? They are actually good. The thumbnail really catch my attention (my first anime is a yuri anime name "Yami to Bōshi to Hon no Tabibito" with the same cover style)
Normally i don't suggest much about any game, because every author has some talent themselves (of course including you). But i see your real effort in making this project (and yuri is my favorite), so I did a quick run and have a few suggestions.
1. The story telling style:
- Please don't use too much narrative paragraph on the whole screen, they make readers hard to focus on the scenes and low down the mood/vibe.
- Maybe you should you some black screens and some "pause" between scenes to make the story alive.
- Don't use too long sentences, and you don't need to tell everything. Just like making films or MV, readers have their own imaginations, they can pick a line, a scene, a picture/image and can feel the story in with their own view. (And some mysteries always add more feeling and curiosity)
2. The music/ambient/effect:
- This can be really hard because music is another thing, i saw a lot of authors with good story but not so good at adding music to their story, which lead to ruin the whole project. Maybe you should find someone who good at this field to collab. Trust me, with the right background music/ambient/effect, the project will be risen to another level.
- You can try to making music yourself, there're a lot of ai music generator (personally i recommend suno)
3. Scenes transition & camera:
- While your drawing really good, but the scenes transition need to be improved. You can learn them by do some research in movie making field and photo shooting experience (or some popular AVN on this site). The transitions and camera angle should be align with the scene vibe/mood, which mean they can be really fast or slowly or instant black out or changing non-stop, depend on the scenes.
4. The potential:
- This project really has huge potential and catching story. With your talent in drawing and the effort in making this, i know you can make a stunning VN.
Thanks for the comment, To answer your question I drew everything minus the backgrounds, those are Ai. Thanks for checking out the demo, I did work hard on it and am grateful for the feedback.
Im glad to know the Yuri spect drew you in, I've loved Yuri for so long and am so happy to finally get this story out there.
To cover your first concerns, I am trying to cut back during my proofreads in terms of pacing and narration. It's a bit hard to know what I should explain or leave out in the open.
My first approach was to write it as a web novel before converting it to the visual novel medium but I've found it to be a bit difficult. I'll also add better transitions!
MUSIC is so important to me! I agree it is a major aspect of creating a compelling narrative, I often watch movies/TV shows if I know it'll have a great soundtrack. In terms of it, I do want to reach out and collaborate with someone on that front, but I am not to sure on where to start.
Right now I'm finishing the rest of the drawings, but soon I'll be working on adding music sfx, etc, thanks again for the feedback and I hope you'll enjoy the full release!
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Is that index??
No her names Hibiki!
Did you draw everything in this project ? They are actually good. The thumbnail really catch my attention (my first anime is a yuri anime name "Yami to Bōshi to Hon no Tabibito" with the same cover style)
Normally i don't suggest much about any game, because every author has some talent themselves (of course including you). But i see your real effort in making this project (and yuri is my favorite), so I did a quick run and have a few suggestions.
1. The story telling style:
- Please don't use too much narrative paragraph on the whole screen, they make readers hard to focus on the scenes and low down the mood/vibe.
- Maybe you should you some black screens and some "pause" between scenes to make the story alive.
- Don't use too long sentences, and you don't need to tell everything. Just like making films or MV, readers have their own imaginations, they can pick a line, a scene, a picture/image and can feel the story in with their own view. (And some mysteries always add more feeling and curiosity)
2. The music/ambient/effect:
- This can be really hard because music is another thing, i saw a lot of authors with good story but not so good at adding music to their story, which lead to ruin the whole project. Maybe you should find someone who good at this field to collab. Trust me, with the right background music/ambient/effect, the project will be risen to another level.
- You can try to making music yourself, there're a lot of ai music generator (personally i recommend suno)
3. Scenes transition & camera:
- While your drawing really good, but the scenes transition need to be improved. You can learn them by do some research in movie making field and photo shooting experience (or some popular AVN on this site). The transitions and camera angle should be align with the scene vibe/mood, which mean they can be really fast or slowly or instant black out or changing non-stop, depend on the scenes.
4. The potential:
- This project really has huge potential and catching story. With your talent in drawing and the effort in making this, i know you can make a stunning VN.
God speed.
Thanks for the comment, To answer your question I drew everything minus the backgrounds, those are Ai.
Thanks for checking out the demo, I did work hard on it and am grateful for the feedback.
Im glad to know the Yuri spect drew you in, I've loved Yuri for so long and am so happy to finally get this story out there.
To cover your first concerns, I am trying to cut back during my proofreads in terms of pacing and narration. It's a bit hard to know what I should explain or leave out in the open.
My first approach was to write it as a web novel before converting it to the visual novel medium but I've found it to be a bit difficult.
I'll also add better transitions!
MUSIC is so important to me!
I agree it is a major aspect of creating a compelling narrative, I often watch movies/TV shows if I know it'll have a great soundtrack.
In terms of it, I do want to reach out and collaborate with someone on that front, but I am not to sure on where to start.
Right now I'm finishing the rest of the drawings, but soon I'll be working on adding music sfx, etc, thanks again for the feedback and I hope you'll enjoy the full release!
Do you use Discord ? DM me via duylouis221